From AmV's Cranny : CBSSports.com Blogs

My second time....hmmm. Not bad at all....

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 9:36:59 EDT

Some random thoughts:

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I know weather and global warming are two different things but today sure makes one wonder. Twenty-eight below zero F at 6 am with a wind chill of 45-50 below zero. Blowing, drifting snow. Misery index is off the charts here in Iowa. My solar cells are pumping out 20% of rated power despite the brilliant sun thanks to the ice crystals and wind. My Geothermal is still pumping at 56 degrees F. My new vertical wind turbine is running at rated power. Still the furnace is burning gas to keep up. My passive solar system is not producing as much heat as it normally does, probably due to the ice crystals and blowing snow.

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Say yes to plastic parts....

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 10:13:01 EST

I am whole again. It is amazing how much better I feel to be a woman in shape in addition to mind and soul. I can't describe it. I thought I might feel shallow for doing it. Or strange for whatever reason. So many thoughts go through your mind when the doctor tells you you have cancer. You suffer through so much pain, mental and physical. You want to pull back from your friends and hide. I have lost weight, my hair, and my outward beauty. But now I am healthy, cancer free, back to my playing weight, and I have had my final surgery (I hope). I am happier than I have ever been in my life. I have met my soul mate in this terrible process and we plan on marrying in the spring.

For all the kind words on this board I must again say thank you. For the negatives words - I forgive you, for what its worth.

Why do female posters leave this board???

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 12:38:13 EST

My recent private message from SCPBcousin2:

hi there! You are such a pretty women and I've noticed how you are outspoken. are you into huge cocks? I've been with a ton of women and they never comment on how the quality of my sex is because they'd arther talk mabout the quantity,lol.. I'm a huge 9 3/4 and very thick. do you like em' huge or quality is what you prefer

So men folk of the board. The good ones who are decent and understanding, respectful of women. This is why females do not hang around this board for long and the reason I have been gone for so long. I am sick of losers like SCPB dropping PMs on me, I warn them, and CBS does nothing.

I may see you again in a few months......

Obituary

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 11:57:38 EDT

My parents told me about Common Sense early in my life and told me I

would do well to call on her when making decisions. It seems she was

always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by.

Today I read her obituary. Please join me in a moment of silence in

Hello from tomorrow, down under

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 13:18:13 EDT

Hello friends,

Just wanted to drop a quick blog entry from Down Under. This morning I am going fishing near the Great Barrier Reef. Will let you know if I catch anything big! I have been to Sidney already, that was nice. Been to the outback on a jeep tour, that was awesome! Austrailia is really wonderful and a must see in your lifetime. I fly back Saturday, ugh...the flight is pure hell, though!

Remember to tip your waiters!

Getting Blown ...Off

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 7:33:18 EDT

Reading Smorgie's lycanthrope blow off technique really made me laugh and I thought about some of the excuses I have used to get guys to stop bothering me in bars. The run of the mill stuff sure, period, herpes, married, aching to get married, you know the lines guys. I really haven't come up with too many creative blow-off techniques, certainly no sure fire ones that work no matter what. But I know there are some hard core daters out there on both sides of the blow off who can share their most sure fire weapon or share one that was used on them personally. One that was so original that you just had to respect her for its creativity and originality.

One to get us started....(not a very good one) .... I was sitting in bar minding my own business when my third hit of the evening presented himself. He rather politely said, " Excuse me, I hate to bother you..." And I interrupted with a curt, "Then don't." Ouch, that was rude of me but I was not in the mood for passes that evening. To that polite fellow, sorry about that.

I need help choosing my new cup size...A,B,C or D

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 3:39:35 EDT

The time is drawing near. A time so long and far into the future I could not imagine it actually getting here. But on Friday I head to the plastic surgeon to discuss my reconstructive surgery. Before my cancer, I was a D-cup. I have lived most of my life with big breasts and they had become a part of my identity whether I wanted them to or not. Living without after my cup had runneth over has been an eye opening experience in many ways-both positive and negative. For a time I felt very inadequate and extremely self concious. Natural to feel this way after so drastic a change to my health, physical and mental. But the docs have giving me the go ahead to begin the process of reconstruction. I am so excited to writing a late if not final chapter in the book of my cancer and look forward to getting on with normalcy.

First round of the season...AMEN!!!

Tue, 27 May 2008 12:48:28 EDT

There is something so wonderful about stepping out on the links for the first time each year. The protracted layoff caused by winter and a little mishap with gravity caused my first round to come on Memorial Day this year instead of early April. But finally the cast was removed, the ok given by my doctor, a fair golfer himself and certainly one to know the curative powers of spring, so the tee time was booked. Two long time partners and a new one were on tap for this first round and the usual wagers were bandied about. Playing early with the dew still on the grass, the gnats buzzing, the joints as stiff as possible, our foursome bravely walked to the first tee. We were stubbornly going to walk our 18 in the muggy morning. Now this course is not long and not particularly challenging either, so it would serve to be an adequate test after nearly 9 months off. We are playing partner best score, match play for lunch. Big stakes!

The Second Coming of My Virginity

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 3:37:17 EDT

It had been 10 months for me. Now granted I haven't felt up to it for the last 6 or 7 months. But even then I was starting to wonder if I was going to ever have an opportunity to enjoy lovemaking again. But alas, I have met a very nice man and have been spending quite abit of time with him for the last several weeks - explanation for my absence around here. Anyway, it just sorta happened and it was a huge relief for me in many ways. The obvious one, of course. But just getting back into the saddle without my bridle (breasts) and riding the horse again - sorry for the metaphor - was strange and awkward - but he was very patient and gentile and what a ride I gave him!!!

So I guess I have lost my second virginity..... Nice!! Oh so nice indeed.

If you had superpowers what would you use them 4?

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 0:40:56 EDT

Good or evil? And if you got to choose your power what would it be? I am sure some of you have heard of Shirtless Girl (Bob and Tom) who uses her mondo tatas to fight crime for the citizens. Apparently by merely showing her bare breasts would be criminals are unable to even run away rendering them impotent (well maybe not impotent) but unable to run away none the less. I was trying think what would I want my power to be if I was "super". And furthermore what would my super name be?

So I ask you, citizens...would I be good or evil? what would my power(s) be? what would my name be?

Would I have a sidekick?

I await your responses...

American Sport - The Master's

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 21:07:25 EDT

Snowy days in Iowa even though it is mid April. Time for my annual ritual of curling up in front of the television to watch the beauty and majesty of Augusta National. The incredible golf. The fresh bitten nails. The rattling knees of the players. The sappy commentary from Jim Nance. The prodigious prediction of Tiger Woods winning the Masters on his way to the Grand Slam. No one else can win it. It is Tiger's tournament to win or award to some other person who apparently is in need of a great gift from the magnanimous Mr. Woods.

This year's tuna-mint was boring. No charges were ever mounted. In fact anyone who raised his head to challenge the hallowed ground was summarily smacked down about the head and neck and fell from the leaderboard. The continuous apology by the talking heads for Mr. Woods apparent mere mortal abilities went long in the tooth. His huffing and puffing was refreshing to see. Perhaps the golfing gods decided to send him a dose of humility.

Gravity. What a pissser!

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 10:01:25 EDT

Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I am free at last. (Fitting given the day)

I am out of the hospital. Still feel marginal. Head doesn't hurt. Arm throbs. Hip is bruised like my ego. I did a half gainer onto my face in my kitchen last week. Concussion, broken arm (the one I write with!), seven stiches in my hand probably from a glass I was carrying when I fell. But I am alive.

To all you fine folks on here worried about me and all that.....well, thanks. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

To Smorgie, thanks for letting everyone know.

Let's play 20 questions...with AV and YOU

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 17:05:47 EDT

A recent blog talked about the new game show where they ask you embarassing questions while you are hooked up to a lie detector machine. The more questions you answer correctly the more money you win. I enjoyed "E's" blog and wanted to build on it with you minions out there.

The Rules:

Answer any question previously posted in the blog HONESTLY (I am the Lady of Blind Justice and will also be executioner)

Provided you followed Rule 1, you now get to ask another Yes-No question.

Where's Waldo Been In This World?

Mon, 12 May 2008 0:53:09 EDT

At the special request of one of my most ardent supporters, another question for the men and women of this board. Lovin' in elevators, backseat of your ole man's Ford, behind them bushes, in the park, the kitchen table, your parents room, in a hospital bed (with or without the nurse), at school, in your son's tree house, your office, the mall, a mile high.....where ever you have had the gumption, the kahonis, the urge, the surge, the 'mones....what is the most outrageous place you have had sex.....and so help me God the first person who says' "Up the butt" will get a deletion so fast you'll wonder if you actually hit the submit button......Circumstances are helpful in scoring your post.

For me the most outrageous is in a movie theatre...I dated the owner...and we had some after hours showings. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more.....

Caress me, kiss me, when and where?

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 20:39:35 EDT

The first time. Starts with a glance, a coy look, a smile, a stare. The time was right. Who knows why now is now. Mom and Dad are away. The mice will play. The hormones are surging. It is so hot in here. Caution is thrown to the wind and the sparks fly. We all have our first time memory. The circumstance, the location, the person you were with were all memorable. The sex on the other hand was probably closer to forgettable.

For the girls it is often a disappointment, over a little too fast for us and then there is all that poking around before hand. No not there. No. No definitely not THERE. Yeah OK there. Where are you going? What do you mean your done?

How about you fellas? Let's be clear. I want honesty. No tales of manliness lasting deep into the evening. The poor girl begging for you to let her catch her breath. The endless phone calls from her pleading for your return. I want you to tell me about all 43 seconds in as much detail as proper editing can allow on this website.

Guilty Pleasures....three fingers this time

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 18:23:22 EDT

When Kim and Mickey had their torrent of romance in 9.5 weeks we bore witness to the eroticism of using various foods and drinks to enhance our pleasure. I have used chocolate syrup in ways Hersheys never intended as an example. Strawberries are easy to bring along especially if champagne is involved (Not you Illini fans). So at the risk of this getting a little off color, I ask you all, women and men, what extracurricular food items did you bring along for the picnic of love? What were the consequences? What did you like? What didn't you like? And what was cleanup like? Hopefully your food relationships lasted longer than 9.5 weeks....

Talking about food today is really a problem for me since I can't eat.....Oh well....

Guilty Pleasures Two - Come (Clean) Again, Boys

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 23:41:32 EDT

When I have had a man around the house I must admit I have put on his button down shirt when he was not home. It smelled wonderful and made me think devilishly about previous events. Later when he came home I modeled it for him. Ofcourse I never buttoned it all the way up, letting the top edge of a lacy bra peek out here and there. They have all loved it and I have to admit I found it sexy and a turn on. Just writing this now ... mmmm...... or is it a purrrr? I have to admit to even wearing my man's boxers, though they were a little loose, and those were sexy too. So as I thought about it and how sexy I found it to be, it occurred to me that men may get the same guilty pleasure if the shoe were on the other foot, so to speak.

You remember. You're alone. No one is coming home for hours. There it is at the foot of the bed. It is calling to you. Remember last night. Yeah, you remember. A quick touch. Soft. Almost still warm. Shiny and smooth. Glance around. You are alone, I assure you. Go ahead, touch it again. It is only a bra. Silky and lacy. You pick it up. You fondly fondle it. How silly I must look? No, no you don't. Go ahead. You hold it up.

Guilty Pleasures...time to come clean boys

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 4:06:11 EDT

Now I have to be honest. I love a good action flick. And I even like a good horror movie every now and again (different kind of movie, Spitzer!). But is there anything better than a good ol' fashioned chick flick, filled with Kleenex moments, a plot so thin it makes Kate Moss look bloated, and every stereotype of homely girl meets Prince Charming and they live happiliy ever after as a result of one single longing stare, followed by a searingly hot kiss that would melt any ice princesses heart, cue the music, and this baby is almost in the can... and cut!!

For me, I love tear jerkers, sad and happy endings, passionate kisses before the credits, cute guys dumping the beauty and the bee itch for the proper girl with the morals (even if the starlet playing the role is on her 3 stint in rehab - this is fantasy here). I would name the following as some of my favorites:

How hungry do you have to be to go down....

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 23:21:09 EDT

.....to the store and actually buy a turnip and eat it. Dear God, is it possible there is a worst tasting vegi than the turnip? I give the brussel sprout it's due. And cooked cauliflower is pretty bad. The rutabaga is nasty. But the turnip has to be the worst. It tastes bad raw, pickled, boiled, steamed, deep fried, batter fried, pn fried in butter and garlic, even with filet mignon on top of it.

What did you think this blog was about?

Seed me tenth....the best possible seed.

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 15:13:16 EDT

If you get to choose your seed and it cannot be a #1 Seed, give me the 10th seed. After all, you get to play a cocky 7th seed and if you win that, you get to become cinderella and beat a number 2 seed. Always happens in every Madness or so it seems. After that the table is set to make it to the Great 8 and maybe the final four. There is no better path for a higher seed.

Then again the 13th seed has the luxury of dusting off an over rated 4 seed. Most likely a name recognition school that has been propped up all season in the rankings. They are ripe for the picking for David looking to show he isn't scared of overly large people with a weakness for rocks (David and Goliath reference). At worst you play a 5 seed or maybe a 12 seed. Now that set's the table.

The real AV. Catharsis is healthy.

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 8:23:41 EDT

I know all you men out there like breasts, right? Some like them big and some like them small, but in the end, you like them all or shall I say love them all? This is the important part of this assignment for all you men out there. Believe it or not you can actually help your woman maintain her health by noticing and talking about any abnormal lumps you may feel in the breast when you are …..uh…..examining them. Yeah that’s it, examination. My friend’s husband noticed a lump in her breast and it was cancer. She received immediate treatment and she is doing quite well now thanks to him. Women are encouraged to give themselves exams but another opinion never hurts and that is where you guys come in. Now to be fair in my public service announcement it would be unfair if I left you fellows out of the discussion. Men can also have breast cancer. My Grandfather has had both breasts removed about 8 years ago due to cancerous tumors growing there. You fellows should check yourselves and don’t be too embarrassed to ask your physician about anything you find. Breast cancer is devastating for women. Mastectomies steal a part of our femininity from us. We don’t feel sexy. We feel deformed. It is incredibly emotional, the damage it does to your self image and self worth. How do I know this? I didn’t have a husband or boyfriend find my lumps. I happened to have gotten an MRI on my shoulder as a result of a bike crash which left my rotator cuff in shambles. This was a blessing in disguise for me. As a result I have had a double mastectomy. Chemotherapy took my hair. The avatar pictures that I have posted were me before breast cancer. I am embarrassed to have posted these pictures now because I have been dishonest with myself and you readers out there. I have been living in the past, enjoying the ability to be able to flirt again. To be noticed again. As Gezemice correctly pointed out, I am underweight for a woman 5’9” in height at 123 pounds. But not really given what is missing and the anemia I am struggling with. She encouraged me to see a doctor, concerned I may have an eating disorder, and I wish that was it. I am happy to say I am doing fine. Latest tests were negative and my prognosis is good. I am supposed to see a plastic surgeon in a few months about reconstruction. I actually still play great golf. And I work out constantly to rebuild my strength. And mountain biking starts up soon. Now this blog is not intended to draw pity from any of you. And I certainly do not want to depress anyone. Rather to come clean with myself and perhaps do some good for all of you. Please heed this warning. Check yourselves. See your doctor’s. Get the uncomfortable things looked at (mammograms, paps smears, prostates, colonoscopies, etc…) and you may live long enough to see the Cubs win a World Series. This blog has been cathartic for me. Thanks for listening and get out there and give some examinations (ask for permission and warm up your hands, first….LOL). I think I am done for a while. Have a great spring. Amanda Victoria

Hugely Disapointed - Where's the beef???

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 21:46:23 EST

For those that don't know the story I will refresh. Please gather round and get comfortable. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

The wonderful menfolk of the CBS sports thread family have for as long as I have been apart of it tried to outdo each other with a sexy woman posing in an avatar. Some are classy beauty and sexuality, others are tawdry, sweat generators. These were the best of times.

Along comes Dookisevil and Yankeechic asking for equal billing to show some manflesh. Tsk tsk. Sorry ladies this is an ethical breech. The ladies openly revolt. Up goes Brady Anderson, Johnny Damon, and other male models. The ladies get called out. The worst of times. I took down my avatars to show solidarity with my ladies and replaced it with an ugly fish. Suddenly, no one wants to chat with Amerigo anymore. When I do get to chat I get requests to put up the old av. Or, my favorite, was for a bikini shot of me in a size too small suit. Nice image. I am going to let that sink in a moment.....................you still with me? So I thought, "OK, let's give 'em what they want." I happen to have modeled a swim suit a few years ago so I had the goods to show. But nothing in this world is free. No free lunches. Quid pro quo. My pic has been up for 1 day. No one has been man enough to show the goods despite being called out by name.

A true Super Delegate Story

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 0:12:46 EST

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had

several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters,

whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went

Where are my round, delicate, beautifully sweet,

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 22:10:13 EST

Girl Scout Cookies!!!!

Here in the mid point of winter it seems only fair that if I have to shovel snow, pay taxes and have no football to watch I ought to at least get all the Girl Scout Cookies I can eat. Hey Girl Scouts of America, I will give you a merit badge in courage if you bring me a box case of, oh, I don't know, everything you got except those damn shortbread cookies. If I want cardboard I'll eat the freakin box. Now plan the assault on my compound and bring plenty of reserve scouts cuz I am fired up angry about this darned snow, my taxes, the lack of a good presidential candidate, and another pathetic loser of a guy who thinks he can suave his way past my defenses. Guess again Rico....

Now where was I . . .

I refuse to participate in this recession...

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 7:58:19 EST

Now that we have been told by all the folks that know about these things that they have decided to have a recession, I suppose there is nothing left to do except pull back all my planned expenditures and get on with it. Mrs. Clinton and Mr. Obama agree on this point (that's scary.) And the Repub man agrees. And all the Wall Streeters agree. And the talking heads in the media agree.

So let's get on with the misery and wreck the economy. Might as well get on with it so they can then decide when that has gone on long enough so they can tell us the recovery has begun so we can go back out and spend money again.

We could just refuse to participate in their little recession. Buy things folks. Don't overspend. Don't put things on credit. But buy what you can. If you need a new tv and you can afford it then buy it. We the consumers have the power to impact any actual recessions in our economy. If we buy reasonably, we will recover faster.

A trip to Victoria's Secret 3 nights before V-day

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 18:36:10 EST

Tonight was a true study of a man out of his element, sports fans. As an amatuer people watcher, tonight was special. Now I went to this particular establishment to purchase a couple of new undergarments for myself as mine were beginning to show some wear and tear but that is another story (only told in the dirty little fantasies of my minions out there.) Back to the story...what a funny situation to behold, men, men, everywhere, and only pretty women to help them out.

"Good evening sir, may I help you?" "Ahhh...yeah...I....ah....welll." "Is it a Valentine's gift?" she asked like a seer of his thoughts. He manages to nod. Clearly he is uncomfortable (understatement!!). Being the pro the young saleslady is, she asks the next questions. "Wife/girlfriend? What do you have in mind (dangerous question to men in a lingerie store - mind you) ? Do you know her size? Is she big like me? Small like her? What about through here?" And on she goes and the poor guy can only grunt and nod or shake his head (above the shoulders, stay with me here boys). He is really trying to not look at the women, the frilly lacey things, and certainly not out into the mall. "God, I hope no one I know sees me in here!" "Is there a particular color you are looking for? Black? White? Red?" Again he nods. "How about the matching thongs?" Cha-ching. With his heart pumping at a high rate his brain (above the shoulders) is swamped with too many decisions. Information overload. He takes them all. She asks if he would like it wrapped. Not sure what she meant. She shows him the wrapping paper. He stammers a yes. It cost him almost $150 for this little forray into no MANs land.

Jack Frost has never seen cleavage....for certain

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 0:41:07 EST

Returned from Mexico to -4 degrees. Back beneath the wool for another eternity, at least until the spring comes...in June or is it July this year. I am certain Jack Frost has never ogled a glimps of a womans essence because there just aren't any ladies out there brave enough, strike that, crazy enough to show anything below the neck. I am not even showing my earlobes right now!!

Thank goodness my friendly neighbor plowed my driveway, the pile is 6 feet high on both sides. No way the truck was going to make it in there, my guess was 3 feet in the low spot.

So back to my thought, I go to Mex on business and stretch it out into a minivacation in Cancun area. Had a great time. Got some sun on some places sorely in need. Got the batteries charged up. Bought a new bikini, a new dancing dress, and a new pair of sandals, but now I am back in the Suck, wearing boots, a wool turtleneck, a down coat, gloves, ear muffs - what the hell is sexy about that?? Nothing....

Sun in my fun...

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 10:26:36 EST

Welcome to Mexico Senorita.....

A lttle sun in my fun.....some oil on my skin.....an umbrella in my drink.....a new bikini - so nice.......a little sun on my shoulders....some golf with rentals.....some rum and dancing....Thanks for that headache Jose C......no cell phones...but I do have internet (go figure)......my that guy over there is cute and .....gay - my luck.....do I have enough money to retire?......I hate work...........

Phone call home to a girl friend to confirm pickup at airport. 2-3 feet of snow in driveway, high temp of 3 degrees F.....

What is the immigration policy to Mexico? I think I'm staying.....

Welcome to Super Tuesday my little minions!

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 18:51:34 EST

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

Golf and other four letter words....

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 23:20:13 EST

I was reminded of a golf story today. More amazing than Bagger Vance, less thrilling than The Greatest Game Ever Played, this story is of the humor variety. What makes it so funny is that it is true. The names will be changed to protect the guilty so don't worry if this sounds familiar.

A first round of spring is the setting on a Saturday morning in early April. That evil witch Mother Nature had given all of us a pass. A tee time was made and three good freinds headed for the course. One of the three had brought with them an old friend to round out the foursome. Now this fellow had really enjoyed himself on the preceding evening and could only be classified as overserved. Being early spring, rain was always a possibility and the group was prepared for inclement weather should it arise. The previously mentioned overserved fellow wore a yellow rain slicker while the rest of the group wore more traditional foul weather gear.