Posted on: February 3, 2008 5:43 pm

Golf and other four letter words....

I was reminded of a golf story today.  More amazing than Bagger Vance, less thrilling than The Greatest Game Ever Played, this story  is of the humor variety.  What makes it so funny is that it is true.  The names will be changed to protect the guilty so don't worry if this sounds familiar. 

A first round of spring is the setting on a Saturday morning in early April.  That evil witch Mother Nature had given all of us a pass.  A tee time was made and three good freinds headed for the course.  One of the three had  brought with them an old friend to round out the foursome.  Now this fellow had really enjoyed himself on the preceding evening and could only be classified as overserved.  Being early spring, rain was always a possibility and the group was prepared for inclement weather should it arise.  The previously mentioned overserved fellow wore a yellow rain slicker while the rest of the group wore more traditional foul weather gear. 

As the round went on , none of us was playing particularly well, but this fourth fellow was beginning to lose conciousness in his own personal fog.  So we played on as a threesome plus one body (he could fog a mirror and this is the first round of the year after a long winter so we played on).  By the 18th hole he was coming around and even beginning to play golf again though it was difficult to classify it as golf. The last putt was holed and we headed for the parking lot to put away the implements of destruction.

At his point it is important to point out the golf course had undergone some renovations over the winter and had built a new flower planter box in the turn around in front of the clubhouse.  It was very nice, maybe 25 feet in diameter and made of stone.  Fresh plantings were all the rage including new thornbushes and tulips. Now the driver of the cart containing the overserved fellow did not notice this new renovation even though he drove directly toward it.  He was speaking animatedly to the overserved fellow.  Keep in mind my vantage point is directly behind them.  Finally, at the last second, the driver notices the impending collisions and takes emergency evasive action turning sharply to the left.  At this point I must remind you of some laws of physics, Objects in motion tend to remain in motion unless acted on by an outside influence (See Newton, Isaac).  The overserved fellow was unaware of the evasive manuevers and proceded in a straight line but managed to hold on to the cart handle next to the seat.  Because he was still "attached" to the cart, he was dragged through the planter box and it's new thornbushes and tulips.  Even his yellow rain slicker had gotten under the rear tire.  At this point the driver notices there are no passengers with him in the cart and he abruptly stops the cart.  The overserved guy, suddenly very awake, jumps up in a fit of rage and lunges for the driver only to hit his head on the top of the cart opening his forehead up for future stitches.  Down he went.  Needless to say, it was the funniest thing I had ever seen and to this day only wish I had recorded it for posterity and $10K on Americas Funniest Home videos.  I wonder if his head still hurts to this day?

Category: Golf
Tags: Humor, Pain
The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com